InterRogerTory:
Dear Roger,
My name is Lady Fluff the Felicitous. I am a beautiful long-haired black cat. I live in my home with two human employees. They usually do their jobs well enough. They have received “meets expectations” on their most recent performance evaluations and with the exception of isolated occasions when they bring in substitutes without my permission, they haven’t had disciplinary complaints. That said, yesterday they came home with that most vile of creatures, a dog. Can I fire them?
Sincerely,
Lady Fluff the Felicitous
Response:
Dear Lady Fluff,
Oh my cat, this is a difficult situation for you. Remember that I cannot give you legal advice, but here is information that you can evaluate yourself.
Since your employees live with you, you’re going to want to look at housing law as well as employment law.
Let’s start with the employment question. A great place to look for feedback on any employment question is the Ask A Manager advice column. That is also not legal advice, but very practical feedback on all sorts of situations involving bosses, employees, and coworkers. You might even find some suggestions for getting along with the dog. (Shocking, I know!)
Now, do your employees have a written contract with you? Or are they part of a union? If so, you will need to look at the terms of the contract or their collective bargaining unit and follow the terms of those agreements.
Do you pay your employees, or are they volunteers? If you haven’t been following federal and state wage laws, you might be opening yourself up to a lot of liability if you bring your situation to the attention of people who enforce these things. (You should always follow federal and state wage laws just like you should follow all laws. I know that cats tend to see themselves as above the law, but you can accomplish world domination while still obeying the law.)
Generally speaking, most employers won’t fire an employee for a first offense unless it’s egregious. This isn’t because of law but because it’s just not good practice. An employer who is quick to fire employees may find themselves unable to attract new employees, since people want to have some stability in their employment. Is it egregious that your employees brought home a dog? That’s a question for you to answer yourself.
If you decide that it’s egregious enough to justify firing, you’ll also need to consider that you have been living with your employees. If you fire them, where will they go? Or where will you go? Will you all stay in the same home? Who owns your home? Whose name is on the deed or the lease? The answers to these questions will determine the direction you go. There is a lot of useful information on the housing section of the DC LawHelp page; before you rely on any material on that page, you should check how old it is and who prepared it so that you can assess whether it is reliable.
One final point: remember that you cannot use the can opener yourself.
Love and hisses,
Roger